It’s time for Thursday Thorns again, although we really don’t know how many “pricks” are coming down the pipeline today, in reality. Our House that Steroids Built miniseries continues with a look at the San Francisco Giants at the 2026 All-Star break, and we’ve noticed the last few seasons how little this franchise seems to resemble its column-title namesakes from the 1999–2023 era. Not only is the team relatively rock bottom this year—41 wins—but there just isn’t a lot jumping out at our well-trained eyes.

The Giants are 19.5 games behind the Los Angeles Dodgers in the NL West Division under a new manager—Tony Vitello—after the organization oddly parted ways with Bob Melvin after last year’s third-place finish (81-81). Melvin is one of those managers who had a proven track record of success, and to replace him with a collegiate manager was an odd move, especially considering how bad the roster management has been in recent years. Alas, nothing the S.F. franchise does these days seems to work right, eh?

With just one playoff appearance in the last 10 years, the Giants have become somewhat irrelevant in the sport, despite having a high payroll, a sycophantic fan base (thanks to the PED era of Barry Bonds, et al), and a once-modern stadium to distract bandwagon fans from the losing. Remember, this is a franchise that was so bad after to the City by the Bay, that it only made the postseason five times from 1958-1999 before the BALCO events unfolded. The Giants have now returned to that kind of suck.

So, without further adieu, this is our 2026 midseason assessment: there is nothing extremely abnormal or odd about any of the individual player performances on this year’s S.F. roster. This may mean we can put this miniseries on hiatus until further notice, which would bring us joy. Every player on the team right now who is outperforming “expectations” is doing so in a way that can logically be explained by age, circumstance, or return from injury. Again, we see nothing that triggers our experienced vision.

We have been very harsh in our criticism of cheating in sport on this website over the last near-decade since we started it. We’ve never shied away from the fact that cheating, lying, and stealing are not ethics or morals we tolerate on any level. Sure, maybe those who commit such violations against their fellow human beings “live rent free” in our heads, but that’s the way we were raised—and that’s what we teach children to value. We do not apologize for maintaining those standards as functioning adults.

Ever.

We must have faith the Universe will unfold as it should. We bring receipts. We stay aggressive. We don’t back down. The trend of civilization is forever upward. Think globally; act locally. Never fucking surrender. Billions of humans before us have kept the fires of freedom, joy, and love burning. It’s our turn to keep the flame. Here? The beacons of integrity have always been lit large.