This time out on NFL Thursday, we look at the 2014 season, which laughably began the current clamor of nonsense related to the biggest cheater in NFL history. Otherwise, we’re looking at awarded Super Bowl MVPs (18-for-48 so far) and Rookies of the Year (32-for-57). Those are not very good percentages; we’re learning that the media really didn’t have a good grasp on things, objectively or analytically. But hey, that’s why we’re here … bring on more sports (revisionist) history!

Super Bowl XLIX MVP: Tom Brady, QB, New England (original); Malcolm Butler, CB, New England (revised, vacated)

The New England Patriots, ten seasons removed from their last NFL title, returned to the Super Bowl winners’ circle with a 28-24 win over the defending champion Seattle Seahawks in a game that is more remembered for a coaching blunder than anything else. The Seahawks blew a 10-point lead in the final quarter, which is also on its coaching staff. Patriots quarterback Tom Brady won the MVP vote despite throwing two interceptions that led to his team needing a double-digit comeback in the first place.

You don’t get to create your own comeback scenarios in our realistic world: comebacks only matter when your team is down because of something you didn’t contribute to in the first place. Remember this for later in this column; plus, we know Brady is a cheater, so we would never give him our MVP nod, anyway. And, of course, we also know the Patriots are a cheating franchise, so there’s always that dilemma here as well. Either way, Brady would never get our hardware.

So, who gets the symbolic MVP trophy here? Four different Patriots receivers caught a touchdown pass, and the only one to go over 100 yards receiving was wide receiver Julian Edelman—a guy who was once suspended for PED use. Alright then … we have to go defense for the Patriots now instead: Cornerback Malcolm Butler not only made the game-saving INT at the goal line, but he also had two other PDs and three tackles overall. Not a dominant performance, but it was an impactful one. He is our pick.

2014 NFL ROTY: Odell Beckham, Jr., WR, New York Giants & Aaron Donald, DT, St. Louis Rams (original); Jeremy Hill, RB, Cincinnati (revised)

The two ROTY winners here were on the Super Bowl LVI champs together; go figure. But the Giants and the Rams both finished 6-10, so neither player will win our award analysis here. Instead, here is the only candidate: Cincinnati Bengals running back Jeremy Hill (1,339 scrimmage yards and 9 TDs). No other rookie posted anything close to good numbers for a playoff team, period. It was a dry season for NFL first years, so this is a quick and short entry. Sadly, Hill would be out of the NFL in 5 years.