Our second MLB Monday miniseries draws to a temporary end today, as our 2024 edition won’t be available until a few weeks from now—despite the fact the 2024 World Series will be coming to an end later this week. Alas, as has been the case too often for too long now, the analyses below are tainted by highly suspect performances from pattern-meeting players, etc. We’ve done our best, as usual, to wade through the muck.

2023 World Series MVP: Corey Seager, SS, Texas (original); Marcus Semien, 2B, Texas (revised)

The Texas Rangers reversed significant regular-season trends to somehow win the Fall Classic for the first time ever, right after opening a brand new stadium. Right. They beat the upstart Arizona Diamondbacks in five games, and shortstop Corey Seager won the MVP vote despite some pretty glaring evidence he probably was using PEDs. Needless to say, he won’t be winning our vote here, and some of his teammates won’t, either.

So, where do we go from here? No starter dominated two games; no reliever even notched two saves. On offense, it seems our best bet is an old favorite, in truth: second baseman Marcus Semien (8 RBI, .917 OPS). He topped the team in hits and RBIs, while playing error-free defense. We truly don’t want to waste much more time here on cheaters, so we will just assign this trophy to Semien without much more investigation.

2023 ALCS MVP: Adolis García, RF, Texas (original); Jordan Montgomery, SP, Texas (revised)

The Rangers beat the defending champs/cheaters Houston Astros in seven games, winning four games on the road in the series after posting a sub-.500 record on the road during the regular season. In fact, Texas won every road game it played in the 2023 playoffs. Talk about “turning it on” in October, right? Huh. The voted MVP, right fielder Adolis García, also fit the cheating profile, seeing his OPS jump at age 30. Right.

So, who else deserves this hardware, honestly? We’re going with starting pitcher Jordan Montgomery, who dominated the Trashstros in two starts. He won Games 1 and 7 on the road, pitching 14 total innings, allowing two earned runs, and striking out 10 batters. His 1.29 ERA and 1.143 WHIP are good enough as well. His performance during the regular season was also consistent with his age and track record. Check.

2023 NLCS MVP: Ketel Marte, 2B, Arizona (original); Paul Sewald, RP, Arizona (revised)

The D’backs won their second pennant ever with a seven-game series victory over the Philadelphia Phillies who were trying to get back to the Series themselves. Arizona won Games 6 and 7 on the road to achieve this, and 2B Ketel Marte (.987 OPS) was named the NLCS MVP. But not only did he strike out 10 times in the matchup, he also committed two fielding errors. So, no effing way does he win our nod in this space. Duh.

Arizona was outscored, 30-21, in this series, so it’s going to be hard to find a true MVP here. Oddly, we’re going to go with D’backs closer Paul Sewald (1-0, 0.00 ERA, 2 saves, 0.500 WHIP). Even though he only pitched four innings total in four appearances, these were high-leverage situations in which he delivered a 0.43 WPA mark, second best on the team to Marte. He won Game 3, saved Game 4, and saved Game 7. Nice.

2023 AL MOTY: Brandon Hyde, Baltimore (original, confirmed)

Baltimore Orioles Manager Brandon Hyde (plus-7 PPP) was the only AL playoff-bound manager to post a positive PPP mark. And he won the MOTY vote, too, so there is nothing else to discuss—except the improbable postseason result where a manager with a minus-6 PPP managed to sweep Hyde right out of the postseason. Yeah, Bruce Bochy, we’re looking at you and your ongoing October fraud show. Ridiculous.

2023 NL MOTY: Skip Schumaker, Miami (original, confirmed)

With a plus-9 PPP mark, Miami Marlins Manager Skip Schumaker got his team to the postseason while putting up the best effort from the dugout among all NL teams. And he won the vote, so there is nothing else to discuss—except the improbability of this team reaching the playoffs! In 30 possible seasons, the Marlins’ appearance in October was just their fourth overall—albeit the second in four years. Wow!